Getting Your Groove Back: Sex After Menopause
As women get older it is not uncommon for them to have questions about menopause and how it will affect their lives, and more importantly, their sex life.
When it comes to sex and menopause many misconceptions exist, especially the one where people think that older women don’t enjoy or have sex anymore. So, let’s talk about it.
Does a woman lose her sex drive after menopause? Can she have sex? What can she do to make it better? All this and more will be discussed in this post.
Can menopause affect a woman’s sex drive?
The answer to this question is yes. Menopause can have an impact on the way a woman views sex and the experience she has.
This happens because of the changes that happen in a woman’s body during this time. During menopause, estrogen levels drop to the lowest point they’ve ever been in her life. This can have physical effects such as vaginal dryness, urinary incontinence, cramps, hot flashes and sensitivity which can make sex painful or uncomfortable.
She might also suffer other side effects such as depression, anxiety, trouble concentrating, irritability, and nausea. With all these effects combined, it is no surprise that a woman could lose her sex drive. Some women find that it is harder for them to get aroused or climax, and others just feel gross between all the sweating and discomfort and won’t even entertain the idea of sex since sex is both a mental and physical activity.
Taking certain medications to deal with the side effects of menopause such as hot flashes and mood swings can also have an impact on a woman’s mood and her attitude towards sex. Treatments and medication for diseases and illnesses such as arthritis, diabetes, cancer, seizures, and heart disease can also cause a decline in sexual desire because of side effects such as bloating, weight gain, hair loss, skin dryness, and depression.
But this is not always the case. Some women find menopause to being liberating and have an increased sex drive. They no longer have to worry about getting pregnant and are more adventurous in their sexual activities. Having a partner who is patient and understanding can also have a lot to do with sex drive since that person can help to make a woman feel sexy even when she’s going through the thick of it.
So as you can see it varies from woman to woman and that the notion that women who go through menopause don’t or can’t have sex is ridiculous.
Tackling the issues
Studies have shown that the loss of sex drive experienced by some menopausal women is not caused by a decline in estrogen itself. It is caused by mostly curable symptoms and a fictional belief that sex is no longer going to be enjoyable.
Look at it this way, if you tell yourself that you are not going to like something, chances are you will never give it a try or go out of your way to make it better. You are more likely to accept that this is what it is, especially when you are hearing the same thing from other people.
The first step in enjoying sex after menopause is, therefore, allowing yourself to believe you can have a good time. Breaking down that mental barrier will allow you to relax and to think about things you can do to improve your sex life.
Once you have done that you will be more receptive and have a more positive attitude to the strategies that will be discussed.
Combating vaginal dryness
Estrogen was responsible for maintaining your vaginal tissues and ensuring that there was enough moisture at all times to keep them healthy. Now that the levels are low you can expect the vagina to become dry.
And no, it doesn’t wither up and dries. Your vagina just won’t be as moist as in your younger years.
To treat vaginal dryness, you can use over-the-counter lubricants such as KY-Jelly that are approved by gynecologists.
Your best bet is always a water-based lubricant that is easy to wash off and won’t weaken condoms. Other types of lubricants that aren’t water-soluble such as oil-based lubricants tend to stain and can encourage bacterial growth since it takes a while to clean up and leave the vagina.
Vaginal moisturizers are similar to lubricants in the sense that they help to relieve vaginal dryness, however, moisturizers are for longer-term use and not solely for sex. Be careful not to get the two mixed up.
Vaginal moisturizers are used daily, or sometimes even twice a week to keep the vagina moist at all times. This helps to prevent infection and reduce discomfort.
[Estrogen therapy] is another option for women who want a more long term solution. This can take the form of a pill that helps to thicken vaginal tissue or a ring or patch which releases estrogen into the body so that it can continue providing moisture for the vagina.
Dealing with weight gain
Being a bit on the heavier side can have a pretty negative impact on sex drive. There are two solutions to this problem:
• Lose weight- Losing weight can be a real confidence booster but this can be a bit trickier during menopause. By the time a woman reaches this stage, her metabolism slows significantly and her body requires fewer calories. This means that she will have to start watching what she eats by cutting down on certain foods such as sugars, processed meat, and fat and replace it with a well-balanced diet. She will also have to start hitting the gym or getting more active to keep the pounds from piling on.
• Love yourself- Everyone has an issue with the way their body looks at least once in their life. You might think you are too skinny or too fat, or too tall or too short when in reality you’re perfectly fine. If you are not morbidly obese and have a healthy to a sort of healthy routine then you should learn to love and accept who you are. That way you can enjoy sex without worrying about how you may look to your partner or if you’re too heavy to try certain things.
Coping with hot flashes
Hot flashes can happen at any time and can ruin the mood when you are cuddling up with your partner or getting ready to do the do. It can cause you to feel uncomfortable and irritable, plus being drenched in sweat is not something that would turn most people on anyway.
A quick solution to this would be getting a fan or air conditioning unit that can keep your home at a constantly cool temperature. But this can become annoying or uncomfortable if you live with other people who aren’t feeling the heat.
Improving your [diet] and staying away from hot flash triggers can help to keep it under control. You could also talk to your doctor to find out which medications you can take to cope with your hot flashes that won’t have a significant impact on your sex drive.
Using drugs to increase sex drive
There are currently drugs on the market that can boost a woman’s sex drive, some even call them “viagra for women”.
Be sure to consult your doctor before starting any of these medications especially since not all are FDA approved and may do more harm than good, leading to serious health complications.
Sex therapy
Worst-case scenario you go to sex therapy but chances are in time you can figure it out yourself.
If you find that you are suffering from some type of sexual dysfunction, you can schedule individual meetings or meeting with your partner to find out what you can do to improve your sex life.
Intimacy without sex
You can still retain intimacy in your relationship with your partner even if you aren’t ready to start having sex again.
You can go on dates, cuddle or give each other sensual massages. You can make things more interesting by switching from vaginal sex until you are comfortable and try oral and anal sex instead.
Work your way back into vaginal sex through masturbation which can include your partner or by watching porn for stimulation and ideas. You can even try role-play and fulfilling each other’s fantasies.
You should always be open and honest with your partner about what feels good and what makes you uncomfortable. He/she won’t know how to pleasure you unless you communicate.
Protection
You should always wait until your doctor confirms that you have stopped ovulating before you ditch your contraceptives since it is still possible to get pregnant during early menopause.
After this confirmation, you can do whatever you like with your partner. Just bear in mind that menopause does not mean you are protected against STDs and you can contract any one of them at any age.
If you have had unprotected sex without considering this it is always a good idea to get tested. If left untreated it could lead to illness and can prove fatal.
Protecting yourself from STDs after menopause includes:
• Abstaining from sex which is the only way you can be sure you will not contact an STD
• Educating yourself on the signs and symptoms of STDs
• Get any new partner tested
• Wearing a condom or asking your partner to wear one
• Avoiding drugs or alcohol which can lead to unprotected sex
Finally
Menopause does not mean the end of a woman’s sex life. Sure, it’s symptoms might be discouraging but there are ways to overcome them once you start to be more positive about it.
